The Fred Factor: The Motivating Power of Doing More Than What’s Expected
There are people who have impacted my life simply because they have gone above and beyond their duty. They are ordinary people whose humble service and love for others have impressed me more than anything fame, money, or position could do. The Fred Factor calls these kinds of people Freds, after a postal serviceman who went far beyond the ordinary to excellence.
Freds I’ve Met
I met Freds in an oil changing shop one afternoon. I was given a flower, had the car door held open for me, and was treated like a princess. I’m sure those Freds had no idea how profoundly impacted I was by their kindness. I cried all the way home because life hadn’t been treating me like a lady then. I met Freds at church. Two of them invited me into their home to share a delicious homemade lunch many Sundays when I was in college. The gentleman in this home handled all of my car repairs for me, making sure that he either paid for them himself or got me the absolute best price possible. Another couple of Freds invited me into their home to live when my college roommate situation wasn’t working out. I meet Freds all the time. I have a waitress who helps my children cut up their food. I have homeschool friends who come to my home for co-op who clean without being asked and jump in to help with projects that have nothing to do with homeschooling. A homeschool author read So You’re Not Wonder Womanand started promoting it on her website.
The Fred I Want to Be
I want to be someone else’s Fred. Why? Because it’s the true measure of greatness. Say Good-bye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes calls being a Fred ‘honor.’ It’s doing more than what’s expected. The Bible calls being a Fred a servant.
The greatest among you will be your servant. (Matthew 23:11)
I realized in reading the Fred Factor that I rarely seek to be a Fred in my own home. That needs to change. I can have the greatest impact with the people I love most. That means that I am not just getting by or doing the quickest, easiest thing. It means I am giving my best for the service of my family and the glory of God.
The Freds I Want My Children to Be
Talk with your children about the Freds you’ve met. Tell them what a great impact they have had on you. Read the Scripture about what it means to be the greatest in the kingdom of God. Then discuss what they could do to be Freds in your family, in your church, and your world.
What Freds have made the biggest impact in your life and why?
Teach to Learn
After teaching my daughter the Learn Math Fast method for subtracting single digit numbers, my daughter came up with this slightly different approach. Of course, we want kids to have these math facts memorized, but in the meantime, it’s helpful for them to have a quick method for solving the problems.
Without any prompting from me, my daughter started teaching her younger brother and her friend “her method” for subtracting single digit numbers. She was so excited about math! Why? I would argue that she feels competent. We are always more motivated to pursue activities we feel capable in. If your child is struggling in a subject, have him teach someone who is behind him in ability. Or consider letting your child make a YouTube video!
The added benefit of letting your child teach is the learners get motivated, too. My daughter’s friend was very excited about this math method and the video they made of it. You still have time to enter the Learn Math Fast giveaway!
Have you had success having your child teach a subject? Tell us about it!
Get Motivated for Art with Atelier
I’ve mentioned previously that I’m not a big fan of doing art. Between gathering supplies and the mess it makes, art was frequently put on the back burner. But perhaps the biggest hindrance to doing a formal art program was that I had the kids working at their own level. While a leveled art curriculum sounds good in theory, it means unique materials and assistance required for each child. The biggest problem was my children aren’t motivated to do art on their own. I got lots of whining about not being able to do the project or just having no idea what to make when choices were given. This, despite using what I consider to be excellent materials.
Atelier came to my rescue. A DVD-based curriculum, Atelier’s greatest strengths addressed my family’s weaknesses:
- One level can be used by multiples ages (I’ve had 5-13yos working together)
- The video clearly demonstrates what to do
- The video shows children’s imperfect approaches to the project, reducing the I-can’t-do-it’s
- Uses mostly easy to obtain, inexpensive materials that can be bought at the beginning of the year
- The guidebook even shows you how to set up the materials for each student
- If you show the video, the kids will hound you until you do the art
I’ve been delighted by what my children have achieved. Working together really gets their creativity (and okay, competitiveness) going.
There are some drawbacks, but I’ve been able to address them, so you could, too:
- Some projects are a little on the childish side for the older set. My 13yo hasn’t minded, adding humor to his work.
- It’s not inexpensive. The Level 3 package (one year’s worth) which we purchased, retails for $155. I purchased mine from eBay for less. You may be able to purchase used. If you have multiple children like I do, the price is much more reasonable.
- The videos are dated. I’m not sure when they were produced, but it was more than a few years ago. My kids haven’t complained and the quality of the instruction more than makes up for it.
- It could be tougher to use with one child. Consider creating a co-op for art with other families. You can split the cost and the work and you’ll all have more fun.
- The over-sized paper can be hard to find. I purchased mine on Amazon.
The best way I’ve found to motivate myself to use an art curriculum like Atelier is to schedule it. We do art on Tuesday afternoons, unless we have a conflict. I should note that Atelier’s program also includes teaching on the great artists and artwork of history. We just haven’t used that part yet. I’m working on getting the tougher stuff (for me) out of the way first.
Here’s a link to a blog post describing their use of Atelier using the same Level (and even the same project) I’ve displayed here.
What do you do to get art into the school day?
Help for the Unmotivated Homeschooler
I received an email from an unmotivated homeschooler this week and with her permission, I am posting it here in the desire to encourage other home educators who are in the same place and to solicit even more great feedback from you veterans.
I came across your website tonight while doing a google search… yep, I googled, “What if I love the idea of homeschooling, but I’m really not cut out for it?” I’ve been trying to do it for almost 5 school years now. My first son took two years for kindergarten because I got sick (and lazy), my second son is special needs – on the autism spectrum somewhere, and my third school-age child is my first daughter in Kindergarten, and I have a 2 year old.
My point is that I’m at that place where I really think I’m doing an injustice to them by keeping them home. I’m not getting things done, they’re lazy and it’s most likely because they see it in me. There’s a lot that goes into that, but the question remains… how do you DO what you know you need to do? How do you kick yourself in the tuckus so to speak to get the job done? I know what my calling is and what is expected of me, but I’m really struggling in getting it done…thanks for any advice.
An Unmotivated Homeschooler
I had some thoughts, but I took the issue to my Homeschool Homies (HH) and here is what we have to share with her:
- Check your expectations. One of my HHs suggested that if you took two years to do kindergarten, you might be expecting way too much. Kindergarten should be a gentle introduction to math, reading, and learning in general. There are few reasons to hold your child back in kindergarten, though you can continue to work on skills at his level. In other words, are you really lazy, or do you expect to do more than is reasonable? Unreasonable expectations lead to overwhelm which can in turn lead to feeling unable to start.
- Do less. When you feel like you aren’t doing much, this seems like crazy advice, but having less to do helps you do more. One HH swears by taking time to train her children to do household chores like laundry and cooking. When my children were younger, I had a housekeeper come in once every two weeks. Both strategies can free you up to spend more time teaching. Next, simplify your schooling. Set aside time-consuming, activity-heavy curriculums and do the essentials (some Bible, math, reading, and some language arts instruction–maybe some handwriting practice). Subjects like history, science, and geography do not have to be done every day and can be simply reading a great book in that subject area.
- Get accountability. Being a home educator is tough for many reasons, but perhaps the biggest is we have no one overseeing our work and giving us feedback (at least in most states). Ask your husband to hold you accountable, join or start a co-op requiring preparation every week, and/or find an accountability partner. Ask an experienced homeschooler to look over what you hope to accomplish in an average day or week and let her tell you if it’s reasonable. Once you have a reasonable plan, have an accountability check-in each day or week. I use a website called idonethis.com and when I reply to it each evening with a list of accomplishments, I cc my accountability partner. Agree with your partner that if you haven’t met a minimum standard in a certain time period, that you should send your children to school.
- Get support. My HHs agreed that you have a lot to handle at this stage of your homeschooling. If you don’t get together with other homeschoolers in person or online on a regular basis, may I suggest that you do so ASAP? This is a very difficult calling and we need our HHs to cheer us on. I dont know what I would do without the time to talk, laugh, and cry with my HSing pals. I really like the Hip Homeschool Moms FB page for asking questions and getting support. You may also want to consider programs that can support your homeschooling. From enrollment in online schools where all the teaching and grading are done for you to day programs and classes, you will find that you really don’t have to do it all!
I also asked my HHs how they get things done that they’re reluctant to do. Here is what they said:
I just do it. If it has to be done…
That might seem unreasonable, but sometimes we obsess over a task ten times longer than it would take to just do it. Just doing it may be setting a timer and doing it for a minimum time and then being allowed to stop. Your children will respond well to this, too.
I give myself a reward. If we get a lot of school done one day, we might go to the park the next.
One of the biggest reasons we homeschool moms get stuck doing things that aren’t school-focused is we don’t give ourselves guilt-free time. Make sure you have some every single day. Whether your older child plays with the younger while you surf the web for half an hour, you pay a sitter to come give you time away once a week, or your husband takes over at scheduled times, you will find yourself refreshed and ready to homeschool once again.
I pray about it.
Love this one. We are doing something great for the glory of God. Why would we expect it to be easy or to do it alone? God is there to help us and will certainly equip us for the work He has called us to do. My Homeschool Homies and I are praying for you!
for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. – Philippians 2:13
P.S. Treat your homeschooling like a career. Develop habits and a routine (FLYLady is wonderful inspiration) or a schedule (Managers of Their Homes is excellent). Build in break times that coincide with times you’re tired. Give yourself credit for what you DO do, rather than what you don’t.
Do you have any other suggestions for our Unmotivated Homeschooler? Are you an unmotivated homeschooler who needs advice or prayer? Just ask!
Can Your School Teach Itself?
I blogged about the book, The House That Cleans Itself, on Wonder Women and the great impact it had on my housekeeping and filing systems. Lately I’ve been wondering if the principles of the book can be applied to homeschool motivation. I think it can!
The most powerful idea in Mindy Starns Clark’s book for me was the idea of working with what is rather than what we wish it were (I love alliteration, don’t you?). This concept enabled me to let go of the idea that I would ever be a meticulous filer. Instead I worked with what I am, which is a file digger. By filing everything in broad categories into large Pendaflex files by time (most recent folders in front), I’ve been able to find things but haven’t had the stress of the massive to-file pile. I then used this notion to help me find a solution to the kids’ bathroom disaster.
My homeschool isn’t teaching itself yet, but I definitely have some ideas that could move it in that direction.
What I Wish
- We were early morning homeschoolers
- We could get all our school done before lunch
- The kids would do more work independently
- I had more energy at certain times than I do
Working With What Is
- We start school later now to accommodate later bedtimes. The bonus is I get more morning time alone which is my optimal work time.
- We do the fun stuff after lunch. The kids bug me to do it which motivates me to keep working into the afternoon.
- I work with the kids on stuff they would otherwise resist on their own (that’s the joy of homeschooling, right?).
- I quit scheduling anything for those times when I know I’ll be too tired and got rid of guilt.
Stop Fighting and Start Flourishing!
Making it Work for You
Start by making a list of the aspects of your school that have been very resistant to change. Next, imagine that those things won’t change (depressing, I know). Finally, decide what you can do to make your homeschool run more smoothly, despite those less-than-optimal students and teacher(s).
It may take a while for you to find satisfactory solutions, but the process will be much easier when you let go of those wishes and start working with what is.
P.S. This process works with personal goals, too! Give it a try and let me know what happens.
How to Teach Math Facts Fast
I think I have tried just about everything to teach my kids their math facts–flash cards, repetitive curriculum, electronics, games, pictures, and software. The problem isn’t so much teaching them as it is the kids retaining them.
While I am happy with my current math curriculum, I decided to give Learn Math Fast a try. The basic setup for book one is:
- Teaching using money
- A worksheet on the facts
- A timed test on the facts
Competition Can Motivate
My children are competitive. While I know many homeschoolers arent wild about competition, I have seen the value of it in teaching–even when the only way you are competing is with yourself.
I time each of the kids with my iPhone (it’s my version of a Swiss Army knife). They know when their siblings have completed the test under the time limit. They also know how much time they have to shave off to come in under the time limit set in the book.
Rewards Can Motivate
Yep! Learning is self-motivating, but offering my kids a small reward for passing the timed test has them begging me to learn their math facts. Not even the math video games they’ve played have had that effect. The combination of competition and rewards has been a winner for me.
The Results?
My kindergartner and second grader know their addition and subtraction facts cold. The upper elementary kids are making progress on multiplication and division. I expect them to really get them down when their younger siblings start learning them.
When it comes to motivating kids, timed tests, competitions, and rewards can be very effective!
Do you want to give Learn Math Fast a try or could you get the same results using your current curriculum or flash cards? Do you have any tried-and-true tips?
Manage Your Expectations to Have More Fun
The freedom to homeschool our children is a gift. But sometimes I’ve been disappointed with this gift. How about you?
I have been certain that my homeschooled children would:
- Have no difficulty learning
- Be motivated to complete school each day
- Take pride in cleaning and caring for their belongings
- Be ahead of their same-age peers academically
- Have a strong faith
- Not be peer dependent, but Christian leaders
- Would get along
- Agree with me and my husband politically and spiritually
- Not engage in immoral behavior
- Be respectful and first-time obedient, especially in others’ presence
- Always want to be homeschooled
- Not want to date until they were ready to get married
- Be capable of adult responsibilities by age 12
- Not want to go to a secular college far away
To summarize, I expected my children not to behave like “other children” and to make me look good. Go ahead and laugh. You already know that my expectations are ridiculous because we can always see the problem with others’ attitudes. Our own unreasonable expectations are another story.
After more than twelve years of homeschooling and the opportunity to witness the disappointment of many dedicated, godly homeschooling parents, I now know that our children aren’t the problem–our expectations are. Invariably, when new homeschoolers ask me about their children’s lack of motivation, I discover unreasonable expectations at the source of it.
When we lay our homeschool hopes and dreams on God’s altar, we discover that we love the gift God has given us in homeschooling. Little Johnny may not be the most focused student, but he is really, really funny. Teenage Susie may not see things the way you do, but she will not be brainwashed by anyone. The kids may not be making you look good in the world’s eyes, but God thinks they’re making you look a lot more like Jesus. And that’s exactly what I wanted. How about you?
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. – John 14:27
How Do You Stay Motivated to Homeschool? [Answer]
My friend who will be homeschooling in the fall for the first time asked me this question. As that is one of the purposes of this entire site, it isn’t a question I can answer in one post. But I did have some thoughts!
- Choose curriculum you love. If you love it, even if it’s not what everyone else is using, your enthusiasm for it will get you out of bed on those cold winter mornings. I plan to share curriculum that has kept me motivated, but for now, if you love what you’re using, you’re on the right track.
- Be realistic in your homeschool planning. I told my friend to plan to teach about half of what she thinks she will. I made friends with another new homeschooler when she bemoaned that her 7-year-old son just wasn’t adopting her plan. I had such a good laugh with her about that. Our kids won’t adopt our plans if they aren’t based in reality. It’s not realistic to do every activity, every area of study, or every workbook page in a school year. It isn’t realistic to homeschool from 6 a.m. to 4 p.m. either. I’d like to address this issue more in the future, but the best tip I can give you is to share your schedule and expectations with a veteran homeschooler (preferably one who knows you). If she laughs, you need to modify your plans.
- Make it fun in the early years. One of the greatest benefits of homeschooling is not having to adopt institutional learning practices for young children. Some children love traditional workbooks, but many don’t. What my children (and I) remember most are the times we mummified brother, had a family version of the Olympics, and invited Uncle Steve over to share his slides on Africa. I look forward to sharing ideas for making learning fun in future posts.
- Let children teach themselves. In recent years I have done more unschooling in the afternoons. As long as it was truly educational (Mario Kart doesn’t count), I let the kids explore their interests. As a result, the kids became origami experts and my 10-year-old shot and uploaded a video teaching kids paper crafts. I can only imagine the reaction I would have gotten had I assigned these projects! Aside from allowing your children to explore on their own, your curriculum plan should include plenty of materials that your kids can use on their own, especially once they are reading.
- Take time to recharge. Being a homeschooling mother is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done, but when I had many young children, it was often the most exhausting and discouraging. I wouldn’t have made it without lots of answered prayer, the listening ear of my husband, the support of other homeschooling moms, and time to regroup. I’ve mentioned previously that at various times during the last 12 years, I have had a housekeeper and a regular babysitter. Having someone thoroughly clean my house once every two weeks made the mess a little less stressful. If you can’t afford hired help, perhaps you could find a friend to clean with. You’ll make quick work of it and you’ll have fun chatting at the same time. I also hired my niece to watch the kids for a few hours one afternoon a week. I used that time to shop without babies and even to have an early date with my husband. The expense was much less than a therapy session.
- Remember that the days are short. I’ve had those days of constant interruptions and sibling bickering that follow sleepless nights when I’ve wondered how I would ever make it. Now I wonder why I ever worried. I look at pictures like the one featured with this post and I gasp at the privilege I have had of teaching these beautiful children. Get out your photo albums or watch a video and you’ll see how far you’ve come. You’ll be motivated to keep teaching. God bless you as you do.
Working Into Working Out
I have been exercising regularly for over 20 years now. The habit didn’t come easily to me, but I am very thankful for it. I don’t believe I could homeschool six children without the energy, stress relief, and better health I gain as a result of working out. If you would like to develop the exercise habit (and I hope you do!), here are my best tips for making it happen.
- Associate with people who exercise. I list this first because I believe this is arguably the main reason this naturally sedentary person has become a faithful exerciser. I married a workout fanatic. Deep down I hoped that his habit would rub off on me and it did. I just didn’t realize that he would often rub me the wrong way in the process! If you didn’t marry an exerciser, you can still gain the power of peer pressure. While encouraging a friend who doesn’t exercise to join you for a walk or workout is a great idea, it’s an even better one to buddy up with someone who already gets moving week in and week out. I currently benefit from knowing that friends who exercise are going to ask me if I’ve been doing my latest workout.
- Arrange to work out at the best time of day. I have exercised faithfully at every time of day during various seasons of my life. Currently, I exercise first thing in the morning. I find that moving early wakes me up, removes the need for more than one shower, and prevents interference. But I don’t believe the first thing in the morning is the ONLY time that works. I’ve also split my workouts into two daily sessions and that worked, too.
- Anticipate your inner slug. I know exactly what the lazy me is going to do and say when I’m tired, cold, and cranky. So I make it easy for her. I make sure my workout space is clear (I currently work out at home) before I go to bed. I have my tennis shoes and socks waiting for me right outside my bathroom. I used to have my exercise attire folded and ready to go, too. Now because I can be really, really stubborn, I have made it even easier to get moving. I wear my exercise clothes as pajamas! If the thought of sleeping in a sports bra gives you nightmares, you could always leave your bra with your shoes. If I still don’t want to work out when I get up, I have to take off my workout clothes which is a little like driving to the gym and then going home; it’s silly. Sometimes the lazy me is really insistent. In those cases, I imagine how I will feel later in the day after skipping my workout. If the whiner still carries on about it, I give her permission to do as little of the workout as she wants as long as she starts.
- Agree to make it fun. I honestly understand why so many of us struggle to make regular exercise a part of our lives. Our ancestors got all the activity they needed as part of their work. The activity was always purposeful. Women beat rugs, kneaded bread, and walked everywhere. Now we ask women to pedal bikes that don’t go anywhere, walk on treadmills like caged hamsters, and repeatedly lift weights that don’t need to be put away. If you can get your exercise doing meaningful work instead, by all means, do it! But most of us are going to have to find ways to give meaningless activity some purpose. Some things that have worked for me are working out with a friend (the time flies as we talk), working out with my kids (I love to teach anything!), participating in a challenge or competition (I did Body for Life for 12 weeks), playing a sport (tennis), and mixing it with entertainment (listening to audiobooks or reading that I only do while exercising). There are so many great options for exercising today and you don’t have to stick with just one! Keep trying activities until you find something you enjoy.
What tips and tricks have you found that motivate you to exercise?
Gifted Hands
I recently began reading Gifted Hands, the Ben Carson story (Kids Edition) to my children and I believe every homeschooling family, school teacher, and librarian should be reading it to their students.
The reading level is appropriate for multiple age levels and my children beg me to read it. Then they beg me to read another chapter. The message that faith and reading are an integral part of success is communicated in a compelling way that even my eight-year-old reluctant reader caught. In fact, my son bragged about how many books he read last night.
Other important teaching is diligence, the impact of racism, and what it’s like to be poor. Don’t miss this inspiring addition to your homeschool library.
Welcome! I pray that you will leave here motivated to get school done (while still having fun). Because that's also my goal as a busy mom of six, I'm committed to updating this blog weekly. Thanks for sharing the resources here with others and motivating me with comments. You're a blessing!
Dr. Melanie Wilson
